There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Randomize
