Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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