someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
