he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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