party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
