He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
