Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
