The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
