I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
