This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Randomize
