two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize