they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
