Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
