i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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