apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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