the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
