whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
