I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
