i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
