Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
