I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
