some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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