He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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