why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
