we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
