Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
