I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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