just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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