If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
