Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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