Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
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