Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
