I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
