so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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