i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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