Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
