I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
