I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
