if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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