I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
