hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
