I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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