she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
