fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
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one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
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Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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