I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
