My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
