A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
