did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
