it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
