OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
