are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
