We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
