i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
