Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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