you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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