I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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