After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
