OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
