I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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