I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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