Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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