why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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