she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Randomize
