I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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