My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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