She said her name was "party"
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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