btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You were trust falling into bushes
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
