I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
